I should be home!!!

So my week long trip turned into a 17 day trip. I left home last Thursday night and I won't be home til Sunday night. I am tired of Idaho. I'm in such a boring little town. I wanna cry when I go into "town" and there is nobody there. Like literally... nobody. I went to Albertsons at 9pm and there were 3 cars in the parking lot. All of which I am pretty sure belonged to employees. And I hate that there is nothing here! Want some good food?? Yeah..don't look here. I've ate at every single place that is here, I am pretty sure. I just want good food and I don't wanna have to drive 30 minutes to an hour to get it!! We went to a movie and I swear the theater was the smallest I have ever been in. And there was maybe 10 people there. Its crazy boring to me! How do you meet new people and enjoy life?!? Ugh... I find it lame. I have met many a men in the grocery store late at night. Its fun to talk to random people that you'll never see again. Oh..which brings me to the next thing... I hate running into people I know. I'm not a fan of 90% of the backstabbing, self righteous, pretentious people here. I absolutely hate seeing people. I did see a couple people here who I was excited to see... Deb Schofield and Tracy, Brooke Bailey, the Spackmans, Grovers... so that was cool. But seriously, I usually hide from people as I walk through stores. I just get tired of putting on face and pretending to care...when I don't. At all. Its sad but Miller asked me who I still talk to from here and my response was, "my family". Seriously, that is it. And I don't even really stay in contact with them that well. There are about 5 people who I chat with on facebook form Idaho. Other than that...I'm cool. Pretentious is the only word that I can use to describe this town.

This has been a good trip to Idaho but I have been around too often this year. My trip here for Grandpa's funeral, then to Utah for Lagoon with fam, then to Boise for a football game, then here for Christmas...just a couple trips too many. Even though they have all been great. Don't get that twisted. It was one of the best Christmas' I remember having since I got divorced. I enjoyed being around family and I have especially enjoyed spending time with the kids. I love my nieces and nephews so freakin much. Every one of the 23...oh and #24 is on the way. Ha!

I've missed William a lot on this trip. As I looked around on Christmas morning, I couldn't help but think how much I'd have rather been in his arms...or bed. But meh.. same thing. He is such a good man and the longer I am with him and the older I get, the more I see in him and the better man I think he is for me. I'm a lucky girl and someday I hope I figure that out....preferrably before its too late. As I was talkin to the Millers today, I was reliving history as I told them about the guys I have dated. I was telling them about Sheldon and how I remember the last call William made to me before I knew I had to choose between the two. I was watching Sheldon play soccer (a great soccer player by the way...) and he called. He had come into town to surprise me and I had to tell him I was with someone else. It caused a HUGE fight and I chose at that time to date Sheldon. What a bad decision..but it lead to some pretty great things. More appreciation for William and the honest, loving man he is. More appreciation for his character..and that he has character at all! Sheldon didn't. It was funny how today brought up all these stronger feelings for William as I thought about everything with time on my hands. I am usually on the fly...travels, work, volunteering, etc that keeps me from thinkin..and makes me just roll with the punches. Stopping to really appreciate the man I have was different for me. And I liked it. Thank you Psycho Saliva for taking the bad news bear off my hands(as I am sure you haven't given up reading this...cuz you are crazy!). And thank you Jesus for bringing me William. (I love you, babe!!)

I've got a lot of time with mom this trip. Its actually been nice. We've got along well. But I'm somewhat moody. I'm used to getting my way and when I don't it makes me mad. Mostly my mood swings happen cuz of the Adam situation. I still have mixed feelings about everything though. I still see the same mom who I don't think really cares for me too much. I mean, I know she loves me...but sometimes I think its cuz she has to. Adam still bugs me. He comes or he calls and the world stops. I know she has always babied him and I gotta get used to it..but the way she talks...like he walks on water. Ugh...it bugs the hell outta me. And she thinks his kids walk on water too. It makes me despise them. I love Kiley to death..but I love all the kids the same way. Everything mom does...its like it has to revolve around Adam and his kids. And she was talking about his "condition" and he was born with it.. NO. He wasn't. He wasn't born bipolar or schizophrenic. He was normal til he started using drugs. Maybe I am just like my dad, but I don't believe for a second that it was genetic. It was cuz he smoked some weed laced with something. He told me he had tried every drug in the book. I believed him. And thats what caused his problems. And I don't get the kid. He was flirting, trying to get this girls number..then talking about marriage and he was going to marry this girl...then all of a sudden he was asking another girl out. WTF!?!? Seriously! Get some balance in your life. He definitely doesn't know what he wants in life..and probably needs to find himself and his own happiness before he tries pursuing any of these girls. Crazy kid.