Yesterday was my dad's birthday and I really wanted to be with him. I sent him an email telling him what a great dad he is and when he responded, tears came to my eyes. DON'T GET THAT WRONG! I did NOT cry. But I realized how much of a Daddy's girl I am. I bought a tank top a while back and it was baseball style. The name on it was "daddys girl" and I sure do keep it cuz I love my dad. I really miss my parents and family. We are close....so its no revelation. I try not to think about it much. I just live my life and accomplish my dreams. Just doing what I do...one day at a time.
Anyways. My thoughts are mixed tonight because I have been waking up by 5am and not getting home until about 8pm at night. Its making for some LONG ASS days and I usually have a lot on my mind at night. I can't make sense of any of it cuz I am too tired...but so much on my mind that its crazy. I called my mom tonight and when I got off, I said, "mom, I just told you my entire life story in 40 minutes..." she laughed cuz my thoughts were so all over the place.
I'm to the point I am somewhat nervous about this weekend. Grr... parents stress me out when they aren't my own but the possible future in laws.
I've been thinkin a lot about high school. I guess what originally brought it on was how much I hate seeing people I know when I go to Rexburg. I would literally try to stay out of "town" so I didn't see people. If we weren't going to Idaho Falls, I was NOT interested in leaving the house. The only exception, as always, is to go see Jay and Shanna Miller. Not bad thoughts about high school but just how immature people were. The same stuff that has bothered me for a couple years. I was so laid back in high school. I had a rough childhood and at that point I was getting A LOT of attention from my dad that I hadn't got before and I was ALL OVER IT. I didn't want to do anything besides movie or dinner dates with my dad. And we pretty much had one every Friday night. People did things and said things that bother me now. It didn't then. So I had a conversation with my mom about it. I explained that after seeing how good my friends are here...that they don't judge and they would be there through ANYTHING. And they have been... my rough marriage, my divorce, a reckless life of partying, through an accident where I didn't have a car for about 6 months, etc. They have been my solid foundation to a life here. I told her, looking back at my friends I had, I really only think that a couple of my close friends would have been that type. Melissa and Crystal. They were damn good friends that I wish I could say that I stayed close to. There are a few others, but those ones stick out in my mind. I explained my reasons and my mom agreed. (I think she is supposed to...) But then she explained how she felt the same way... the people who thought they walked on water, thought that for several years after they got out of highschool. She said it took til their recent class reunion, 30 years, for people to realize that its just more fun to get along with everyone. They now have dinners for every person who still lives there from their class..which is totally cool. I told her that I have learned I am not a forgiving person at all. I know it. Someone says the wrong thing or did the wrong thing now or back then, and I easily drop them from my life without hesitation. I'm actually good at it. I've done it to a couple "friends" here. But I know how much I have changed. Things that used to roll of my back and I didn't care, I'd probably fist fight about these days. I don't let people walk all over me. I don't stand for someone thinkin they are better than me. I'll put them in their place. I used to be pretty quiet. Now I am a socialite and have more friends than I can ever hang out with. I still prefer a lot of quiet time too tho. I don't know.. I guess I have just been trying to get to the bottom of why I hate people in my hometown so much...
Another random thought #23.. I have coconut oil slathered on me right now and it is getting all over my laptop...but my dirty mind can't wait to take it with me to William's this weekend!! Haha... I'm just sayin... I love him. He messaged me today and said, "only one more full day without you" and I got all excited! I can't wait to see that sexy, sexy man!!!
Oh...and other random thought #764 I really hate going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark. :(
Random thought #321 I can't wait for my limo bus tour next weekend!!! WHAOO!!!!
Random thought #895 The thought crossed my mind as I was putting coconut oil on if Sheldon still thought about me... I started thinkin about that pyscho girl and why she would have been so obsessive over me, and I am thinking its probably cuz he either said my name during sex...or in a dream while sleeping. Okay..so I have dirty thoughts on my mind!!! Don't worry, Sheldon wasn't good enough to have dirty thoughts about. That is why William is on my mind. Lol... I just still laugh at the psycho's nonsense at times.
Random thought #486 I need to go to bed.. Deuces!
No comments:
Post a Comment