but only when I truly care about someone. Which is awful. Most people I don't care about enough to be upset so I just forgive and forget. I am not very good at showing too much emotions so I just don't have enough feelings and emotions to waste on people who don't matter to me. But when its someone close to me...that I actually care about, I stay mad forever. I can't truly let the person back in again... or at least not for a really long time. I have some major issues with people who I let in to my life...turning their back on me and hurting me.
I was laughing at an email joke and when I deleted it, the next email was a forward from my mom. I haven't really been reading the emails I receive from her cuz I just am not ready to cross over that bridge. So when that email popped up, I got a cold, hard feeling in me...and the smile faded quickly. There is something wrong with that picture... But seriously, when you blame me for a grown adults choices he made, I think I have the right to be upset. And to get upset cuz I wanted him to clean up after myself....well, it was my mom who taught me to be clean. She was a clean freak...and although I am not nearly that bad, I like things clean too. And just cuz I wouldn't be his mother and clean up after him...I am the bad guy. Nuts! And I don't think that feeling will be going away anytime soon. The thing I am dreading the most is that I am not an ungrateful person. My parents give me gifts every Christmas...IF I get them...I don't want to have to thank my mom...but I know if it weren't for my mom, I wouldn't get them. Dad is the financial backing...mom is the thoughtful one. So to thank one would be a slap in the face...and I am not ready to talk to my mom yet. Yes, I got my mom a gift...but I don't want her to thank me for it. I just want to be left alone this Christmas. Argh.... I hate being cold and heartless.
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