I wish my family could love with the unconditional love that families are supposed to love with. When my sister was here I was telling her how much I think I missed out on as not being close to my cousins...the Kendricks/Roundys. That family is awesome. They love each other with unconditional love. They aren't jealous of other family members. They help each other out. They are there for each other. They don't pass judgement on each other. They are absolutely hilarious. I have enjoyed talking with them soo much. Its awesome. Those are the kind of people I want to surround myself with. They are the kind of people who make me want to be a better person.
I love my family... but I sure wish we could be like these guys. When my mom sent me the email about how disappointing I am and told me how embarrassing my statements are on facebook, she told me someone in her family blocked me cuz they were so ashamed of me. When she said it, I figured, No joke...cuz your side of the family can't accept someone for who they are. I wasn't surprised. What I am surprised about is... its my sister in law, Drue. I really thought she was less judgmental. I guess I am disappointed to find out Drue would block me... I know I can say some things that don't follow a mormon pathway. I am not religious. I don't think someone else's beliefs should be pushed on me. I still wonder what she was so offended about because I have wanted to post sexual jokes, about drinking, or adult content at times...and actually refrained from doing so out of the respect of the beliefs of those who might read it. The fact that she did that makes me want to block everyone who is judgmental on that fuccn site. It irritates me. I hope others block me if they think I am offensive too. I would rather have them do that than talk shit behind my back...like I know they do in Rexburg. ugh...that town is ridiculous. I can't wait for judgment day. I may say what is on my mind, but I think God knows the purity of my heart. The kindness and generosity that I won't give off the illusion of...but he knows its there. I can't say what God will do... but I pray that those who have judged others on this planet in an ungodly way burn in hell. These Christians that are more judgmental than God would ever be... less Christlike than people who haven't accepted Christ into their lives... I seriously pray they burn in hell cuz nothing bothers me more than a closed minded person. I let you live your life.... for the love of God, just let me live mine.
Sometimes I wonder if my mom and I will ever talk again. I was driving down the street Saturday when I left work thinking how sad it is that she wouldn't answer my phone calls because I said on my facebook that "I love going home and not having to deal with 12 yr olds and drugs." Its crazy to think its been 7 months since we last talked. Sadly, I am still so upset that she was mad at ME for Adam's drug problem that I don't even want to talk. I drove down the street thinking how short life is...and what a waste it is to be mad at someone...but still not ready to budge because my biggest pet peeve is being judged. I thought about what I would say to her if we did talk...and my mind drew a blank. I have nothing to say. Anything I say, I would be looked down on... no matter how happy it makes me. I'm tired of pretending to be perfect (not that I ever did pretend...but I am more tired of having to hide my life to get accepted by my own family.)
My sister won't get a facebook because she says she couldn't be herself on there because of all the judgmental people who wouldn't approve of her lifestlye. I said, "who cares?!? Just be you anyways!" But she was right... Whats the point in being on facebook if you have to pretend to be someone you aren't???
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