I'm scared....

I love William. I know I do. But he is serious about me and being married and having a family. And I just don't know. I have had serious relationships since I have been divorced. Ty moved in with me for a while. I dated Sheldon pretty seriously for a good minute. I fell in love with Danny totally and completely. I thought the world of Ray. Felipe was writing songs about me and totally and completely in love with me. Daniel went as far as to meet my parents. I never saw myself with any of these men though. I never worried too much about marriage or families cuz I kind of knew it wouldn't happen. Here I am 3 years after my divorce became final. 5 years and 5 months since I was married. I am still unsure about going down that road. William and I have known each other for 3 years. We dated for close to a year, then kind of talked for a year, then didn't talk at all for a year...and now things are so different. He is so ready for me. He wants me to meet his kids. After 2 months of practically begging me, I have agreed. I love him. I am scared to meet his kids cuz they are 12 and 14 and can definitely have a strong opinion of me... but this is important. I guess 2.5 months ago when he asked me to be his girlfriend again, I never realized how serious he was. I thought it would be us spending time together and getting to know each other again. We've done that before. He talks to me every single day...whether it is a call, an email, text...whatever it takes. He wants to meet my family. Sadly, that won't happen. I no longer talk to half my family. Since Adam moved back to Idaho, my mom stopped talking to me. So did Adam. The only people I have talked to are Sherise and my dad. I'll never understand what I did.... I wouldn't let my brother bring pot into my home and was pretty vocal about my disgust and now my family thinks I am the bad guy. Which is fine...if I had it to do over again, it would end the same way. I won't allow drugs in my home. Period. I don't even want to take William to Idaho. He is so persistent so I told my sister that I could just bring him to Boise...where he could meet Trent and Sherise. Thats as good as it gets for now, I suppose. William is amazing though. I would like to push him away because of my fear for relationships. I would love to push him away because of a million reasons. A million petty reasons that all stem from my own fear. But there are 10 million reasons I shouldn't push him away. In the hundreds of men I have hung out with and dated since I have been divorced, there is not a single on that even comes close to the front runner...William. He has them all beat by miles and miles. And I guess that is what scares me the most. I see this man that I know I can be with forever... I see this man who is patient and kind and so loving...and wealthy...who could take care of me in a way that I have always dreamed. And it scares me. I don't know if I am ready for this much love. And although a girl always dreams of her prince charming...how many girls actually get their prince charming??? I keep telling myself this isn't reality...but every morning I wake up to a good morning email filled with love. I pinch myself to make sure its real life...and it is. Ugh....I'm not supposed to have a heart!!! Whats wrong with me?!?!?